I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
