I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
