We got so high we made milksteak
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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