I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
