If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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