Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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