Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
