Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
