Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
