Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
