see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
