If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
