accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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