i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
