He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
