everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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