What did we do last night that was yellow?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
