Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
