careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
