You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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