you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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