Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
