I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
