I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
