omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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