he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
