Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
