What a fucking waste of an outfit
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
