I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
