it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
