i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
