i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
