The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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