yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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