So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
