I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
