i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
