He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
