hotel room ftw
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
