I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
