I just made out with a guy for $7.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
