There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's never too late to be topless.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
