I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
