Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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