Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
