Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
