I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
