I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
