barbara walters just said penis...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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