I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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