Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
